Humorous Thoughts

 

Why do we sometimes put a joke in the newsletter? See Proverbs 17:22 -

“A cheerful heart is good medicine”

 

 

And finally…

A father was informed proudly by his young son that he knew what the Bible meant. His father smiled and asked, somewhat sceptically, “Well, son, what do you think it means?” “That’s easy Daddy, it stands for Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth

 

 

And finally…

One evening a father was listening to his son saying his prayers. The little boy started by saying “Dear Harold”. At this his dad interrupted saying “Wait a minute, why are you calling God ‘Harold’?”. The child looked up and said “Well Dad, that’s what they call him in church. You know the prayer we say - “Our Father who art in Heaven, Harold be thy name!”

 

 

And finally…

A Church group were discussing different ways to pray when one man remarked “I do some of my best praying whilst I’m driving”. In a quiet voice, his wife agreed. “I also do my best praying when you’re driving dear!”.

 

 

And finally…

A little child was praying - “Dear God, please take care of my daddy and my mummy, my sister and my brother, my doggy and me. Oh, and please take care of yourself God. If anything happens to you, we’re going to be in a big mess”.

 

 

2040.

And finally…

A teacher began her lesson with a question, “Boys and girls, what do we know about God?” A hand shot up in the air. “He is an artist!” said a little boy. “Really? How do you know?” the teacher asked. “You know - Our Father who does art

 

 

And finally ……

Adam was walking with his sons, Cain and Abel. They passed by the ruins of the Garden of Eden and one of the boys asked “What is that?”. Adam replied, “Boys, that’s where your mother ate us out of house and home!”

 

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So finally...

A teacher was reading Bible stories to the class. He read, "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned into a pillar of salt." One chid asked, "But what happened to the flea?"

 

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And finally...

After hearing the story of Adam & Eve, children were asked to draw some picture that would illustrate it. Little Bobby drew a picture of a car with three people in it. In the front seat was a man and in the back seat, a man and a woman. The teacher couldn’t understand how this illustrated the story of Adam and Eve. Little Bobby was prompt with his explanation. "Why, this is God driving Adam and Eve out of the garden!"

 

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And finally…

As they were leaving church one Sunday, a man confided to his friend that he was suffering from insomnia. The friend replied that he had no trouble at all getting to sleep. “Really” the first man said, “Do you count sheep?”. “No” was the reply, “I talk to the Shepherd”.

 

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NOAH’S ARK

Funny things that can be learned from the Bible and applied to life.

 

1.. Don’t miss the boat.

2.. Remember that we are all in the same boat.

3.. Plan ahead. It wasn’t raining when Noah built the Ark.

4.. Don’t listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done.

5..Build your future on high ground.

6.. For safety’s sake, always travel in pairs.

7.. Speed isn’t always an advantage. The snails were on board with the

Cheetahs.

8.. When you’re stressed, float for a while.

9.. Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs, the Titanic by professionals.

10.. No matter the storm, when you are with God, there’s always a rainbow waiting.

 

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And finally….

One day an angel appeared to Adam and said, "I've got some great news for you. God is going to create something wonderful for you, He is going to make something called a woman for you."

Adam, very intrigued, said, "Tell me more."

The angel said, "This woman will be a lot like you physically, only much more beautiful. She will live to serve you at all times, cook your meals and look after you if you’re sick. And what's more," the angel continued, "she will never argue with you or complain. She won't nag you or talk back to you either.”

Adam had a sparkle in his eye and said with excitement, "Wow, that sounds amazing. I'd really like to have something like that. But what's it going to cost me?"

The angel said, "It's going to cost you your right arm, and a leg."

Adam thought about it for a while, and then asked, "What can I get for just a rib?"

 

 

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And finally….

 

Two Catholics have lived very good and also very healthy lives. They die and go to Heaven. As they are walking along, marvelling at the paradise around them, one turns to the other and says “Gosh, I never knew Heaven was going to be as good as this!”. “Yes” says the other “and just think, if we’d have eaten more burgers we could have got here 10 years sooner.”

 

 

 

St. Peter's Church - Cardiff